I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
