Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think your dad took our porno
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
