To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
