so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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