A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
