you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
