I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize