Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
