i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
