Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize