She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it glows. i had to have it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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