He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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