My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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