An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize