never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Houston, we have a squirter
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
