he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
