oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
