put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
