you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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