tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
