I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
