my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
