Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize