So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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