Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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