whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
