No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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