I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
