so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish you could order shots online.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
