We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
