so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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