it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
