i just google imaged poop.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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