I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
