Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
