and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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