My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
