1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I need water and some morals
Randomize