am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
