That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
