mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
