Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
