How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
