I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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