I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
