i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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