it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
