So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
