i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can you repeat that, but with context?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
