I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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