i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
