i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
