I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
