Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
