At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
