matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
