Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
