I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
