Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
