im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
