is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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