; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
too bad you live with your parents still
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
